These days, It looks like people are only hanging out and sleeping together, but tell their friends they are dating…The word “dating” is kinda twisted or maybe it has a new meaning. I think it’s a new trend to say someone is dating someone even if they are seeing each other without being on a date. Ladies, this is a very slippery slope that will get you nowhere except the Danger Zone I talk about in my book dating with a purpose.
To avoid deluding yourself, you need to call it what it is. If you are just having sex with him, say that. If you’re going over to his house to hang out, say that. If all he does is text you, say that. If you are just cleaning his house, say that. If he took you out to dinner once and stopped, say that.
If you want men to value you and start dating with dignity. Look no further in my book “Raise your standards high and date with Dignity” I explain everything you need to know about raising your standards high.
Alright ladies, if you are dating or in a relationship, check your reality here:
#1. If you’re seeing a guy, do you go on a date he’s planned in advance or the one you planned?
#2. When you go out, does he pick you up or do you meet him half way?
#3. When you two eat together, who planned it? Where did you eat?
#4. When you sleep with a guy, do you already his wife?
#5. When you text back and forth, is it about a date he’s discussing with you? An engagement? A marriage proposal?
#6. Or is it the mare chitchat that just deprives you of your beauty sleep and strokes his ego?
When you’re just being with a guy, hanging out, or sleeping with him … you are not dating him. Only use the word “date” when he is making plans with you and following through. Don’t deceive yourself to say you’re dating someone when there is no date to begin with.
And if a guy is dating you forever, never making you exclusive, then no, he is not your boyfriend. He is just a date. He isn’t even a suitor, because a man is a suitor to begin with in order to win your hand in marriage. A man doesn’t become your suitor just to keep you on permanent hold.
The age-old question is, how long do I need to wait before sleeping with? By the third date, they say☺well, if sex is all you are after, then you might as well sleep with him on the first day…then no need waiting for the third date. If at all possible, skip dinner and get to what you both actually want. On the other hand, if you're one of those wise people who FEAR God and trying to create a lasting, meaningful relationship, then you may want to hold off until you get married.
Listen to me: Relationships are like buildings: They require strong foundations to weather the storms awaiting them. Foundations are forged during the initial months of the relationship and are only reinforced over time. Building your relationship on nights of liquored-up, all night clubbing is most dangerous thing you can do…it's not sustainable or healthy. Even if you’re not one for the night life, sleeping with someone who isn’t your hubby or wife in the relationship can do more damage than it's worth. It's important to pace yourself and focus on the more important things. Yes, you read right… there are more important aspects of a relationship than sex.
Satan wants us to make a pattern of obeying our desires instead of God’s direction.
If we learn to do what we want to do when we want to do it before we get married, we’ll carry that pattern into the days that follow our wedding. This is deadly because service and sacrifice is essential to a healthy, Christ-honoring marriage. Love in marriage is shown by a thousand daily decisions to do the dirty dishes when you don’t want to or mop the floor when you don’t want to or watch a soccer game instead of a romantic movie. If your relationship before marriage is characterized by giving into urges of the immediate desire, you’ll most certainly struggle when you get into married life.
Satan wants us to underestimate how susceptible we are to temptation.
Satan wants us to think that we won’t take our sin to the next level. He wants us to think that we’re stronger than we really are. He wants to make us think that we’ll never go “that far.” This is a powerful trick because it plays upon our well-intended desire to honor God and our pride at the same time. Trust me, you’re weaker than you think you are. You can go where you think you won’t go. Sin is like an undercurrent in the ocean, if you play in it, you will be overpowered and carried away into certain destruction...Purity is much more about the posture of our heart than about the position of our body.
Satan wants couples to weaken their trust for each other.
When we compromise sexually we’re showing the other person that we’re willing to use and abuse them to get what makes you happy. Every time we push the boundaries with our fiancée or lead each other into sin we are communicating, even though we don’t mean to, “you can’t trust me because I’m willing to use you and disregard you to get what I want.”
And even worse than that, we show that we care more about our desires than about what God wants from us. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says “this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality” and that v8 “whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.” So when you sin sexually against each other before marriage you are saying, “You can’t trust me because I’m willing to sacrifice both of our relationships with God to do what I want.”
Satan wants to deceive you with the forbidden fruit of lust.
There is a world of difference between pre-marital sex and sex within marriage. One of the reasons for this is that in pre-marital sex the forbidden fruit of lust portrays sex as something that it isn’t always in marriage. Most normally, pre-marital sexual activity is like gas on fire. The passion is high, the feelings are intense, and the drive to go further is fueled by the fact that you know you shouldn’t (Rom. 7:8 )
Sex in marriage is different. There’s still passion and there’s still intense feelings and emotions—but sex in marriage is based primarily on the hot coals of trust, devotion, and sacrifice (1 Cor. 7:1-5) Couples who built their sexual expectations on the passion that the forbidden fruit provided are often disappointed and confused about why sex is so different in marriage. Get it?
Lastly, I hope you want a healthy relationship instead of just sleeping with a man. Any man who can’t committee to marriage but wants to have sex with you is someone who can live without…Forever.
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