What do you do if you are finally engaged to the long awaited Christian godly man, but have serious doubts about your decision, he is a man of God, but red flags are popping up left and right? Do you a) Just go ahead and get married, since the wedding date is already set, sent out the invitations, spent a lot of money, are too embarrassed to back out, and believe that a nice Christian man is flawless anyway? Or b) call the whole thing off until further notice? I think most of us would choose to go ahead even if we are having serious doubts. I know calling the whole thing off is difficult, painful, and risky. But continuing the relationship is like forcing a puzzle piece into a place it doesn’t fit. Listen to me: He's a nice Christian guy, but does he live out his life like a true believer who has a relationship with God? Many people are good at quoting scripture but are still deep rooted in sin.
Sometimes we pray for answers we are not fully prepared for. Trusting God’s will means trusting that He knows what’s best for us even if it means we have to part ways with people we are not quite ready to part ways with. Sometimes we feel it in our spirit that someone is not a good mate for us, but for some reason we allow ourselves to stay in an unfulfilling relationship.
Some of us ask God to show us a sign whether something or someone is good or bad for us. The funny part is, God may have given us plenty of signs, before we even prayed that prayer. Whether the signs are there or not, there’s only one way to know for sure, and that’s prayer. If you’re praying for God’s will, eventually their true colors will show. But you can’t pray for God to reveal these things to you and then disregard them when He shows you this person is not the one for you. These days, they are all kinds of Christian men:
#1. Mr. Dishonest: If you discover that the man you are dating has lied to you about his past or that he’s always covering his tracks to hide his secrets from you, run for the nearest exit. Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust. If he can’t be truthful, break up now before he bamboozles you with an even bigger deception.
#2. Mr. Church Player: I wish I could say that if you meet a nice guy at church, you can assume he’s living in sexual purity. But that’s not the case today. I’ve heard horror stories about single guys who serve on the worship team on Sunday but act like Casanovas during the week. If you marry a guy who was sleeping around before your wedding, you can be sure he will be sleeping around after your wedding. If someone is unfaithful to God with you before you’re married, it suggests he will be unfaithful to you in marriage.
#3. Mr. Addict: Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol, sex, pornography or drugs have learned to hide their problems very well, but you don’t want to wait until your honeymoon to find out that he’s a porn addict. Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he get professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t fix him.
#4. Mr. Ever Angry: Men with abusive tendencies can’t control their anger when it boils over. If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a problem, and if you marry him you will have to navigate his minefield every day to avoid triggering another outburst. Angry men hurt women verbally and sometimes physically. Find a man who is gentle. It’s such a common thing that either you’ve heard of it or are caught up in it yourself! What is it? It is the seemingly endless habit many couples have in which they will fight and makeup on a regular basis. Sure! It makes for great movies, but what works for a 90-minute Hollywood hit is a no-go in the real world. When it comes to making up, don’t misunderstand me. It’s perfectly healthy to forgive, but it’s not OK to be unwise. What I mean is this: if fighting in your dating world means hitting, pushing, shoving, name calling, yelling, manipulating, or anything rude that occurs on a consistent basis then, of course, turn walk away. It’s simple. In bad relationships, bad things happen and will continue to happen if you let them. Don’t be stupid; be wise. Wisdom always does now what brings satisfaction later. For you, being smart means that after you leave the relationship you shouldn’t go back! When God gave the Israelites an exodus opportunity, they took it. You should too! If your relationship is even slightly abusive, consider this your sign to exit the relationship NOW!
# Mr. Control freak. Some Christian guys today believe marriage is about male superiority. They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat their wives as equals. If the man you are dating talks down to you, makes demeaning comments about women or seems to squelch your spiritual gifts, back away now. He is on a power trip. Women who marry religious control freaks often end up in a nightmare of depression.
If you are a woman of God, don’t sell your spiritual birthright by marrying a guy who doesn’t deserve you. Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus. So the question is, how do you recognize a genuine man of God? Here we go…
(1) Compare his message and ministry to the Bible. See if what he has to say, lines up with scripture. God's Word is the foundation upon which every true man of God will base his life, ministry and message. "All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness" (2 Tim. 3:16). Jesus said "...My doctrine is not Mine, but His who sent Me" (John 7:16).
(2) Check to see if Jesus Christ is the center. Who does he attempt to lift up and glorify? Himself or Christ? A real man of God doesn't seek to promote himself, but seeks to glorify Christ in everything he does or says. "He who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who seeks the glory of the One who sent Him is true, and no unrighteousness is in Him" (John 7:18). (See also 1 Cor. 12:3)
(3) Inspect his fruit. As we have said, the Bible says that we shall know them by their fruits (Matt. 7:16). Just like preachers, a lot of trees may look alike from a distance, but a close inspection of the fruit hidden among the branches will reveal their differences. Fruit is the natural product of a species which provides unmistakable identification.
If an alleged man of God is truly rooted in fellowship with Christ, he will obviously bear Christ-like fruit (John 15:4-5), not corrupt, immoral qualities. Gal. 5:19-21 and Gal. 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
5:23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law." Persons who exhibit the works of the flesh are what we call "led by the flesh," and those who bear the fruit of the Spirit are "led by the Spirit." When we speak of "led," we refer to that nature which we choose to follow, whether the Spirit of Christ or the rebellious flesh.
Don’t be so afraid of losing someone that you begin to compromise your core principles just to be in a relationship. This doesn’t mean you will be alone forever, it just means he is not the guy for you. Some of you have been disappointed by the so called Christian men many times that you almost feel so numb...
But I want you to know that God is good, He absolutely wonderful. He is faithful and true. That He can do above all we can think, hope or imagine...And yet sometimes the years of waiting for a husband can bring on a tidal wave of unbelief in our hearts.
I think the longer we've been waiting on the breakthrough, the harder it can be to simply believe that HE STILL CAN bring that TRUE Godly man in your life…That He has not forgotten you. Mark 9:23 and yes He still can. He is well able to do above all we can think, hope or imagine.
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