When a man becomes distant or disappears... sometimes the way we communicate our feelings to our men makes them want to withdraw even more. But I am going to share a few secrets that can turn your man's disappearance act into an opportunity to connect with him and make him want to come even closer to you.
Some of you...this is actually happening to you right now: You met a man you’re compatible with, you really like him, and the feeling is mutual. He’s been showering you with attention, making plans to see you, making time to call you, text and generally letting you know that he’s so happy to have found you.
Then suddenly something happens. Out of the blue, he pulls back from you. Stops calling and texting... doesn’t mention seeing you over the weekend, or he gets off the phone a little earlier than usual. Or maybe he’s not being as affectionate. You sense a shift in the way he is with you, and it doesn’t feel good. In fact, it’s downright scary.
As a woman, our first instinct is to try to fix the situation by getting closer to him... Please talk to me... what's going on? Can we talk? But this can actually push a man further away. The real secret to making sure his distance is only temporary is to let go of your efforts to bring him close. I know most women would be so scared to do this... since it feels like you might lose him. But that’s entirely not the case.
Ok, let's get started. Here’s how to give him the space he needs while handling your own vulnerable feelings so that he’ll naturally want to come close all by himself.
#1. IT’S NATURAL FOR A MAN TO PULL BACK
Drifting away is completely natural for a man, even if he’s in love with you. Falling in love can make him feel vulnerable, so he will try to pull back in order to not lose himself...did you read that? He will come in and go out – like a rubber band – while he works out his feelings and digs deeper to find his ability to go the distance in a real relationship or marriage. Meanwhile, he’s also making sure he “holds on” to his sense of self, his life, and his independence.
So, the first thing to do when this happens with your man is to remind yourself that it’s completely normal. If he’s the right man for you, these periods will significantly shorten over time, even though he’ll still need his “space” every once in a while.
#2. CREATE TENSION SO HE SNAPS BACK
Whenever the man we’re with pulls back from us, our first instinct is usually to lean in and close the space. This requires effort. And it also usually causes the man to resist our attempts to get closer. Why? Because by stepping in we’re removing the incentive for a man to get close. He no longer feels it’s his choice he feels forced...you get it?
If he starts pulling away, and you move toward him, then you’re just letting the rubber band go slack. You’re making it impossible for him to bounce back to you. You’re eliminating the tension he needs in order to come back.
The answer is to drop any effort on your part to close that space. Resist the temptation to ask him what’s wrong or to step up your efforts in order to get a response from him. Don’t call him or email him or drop by his place. Let him make the choice to come to you...This is worth repeating it When he does, it also makes you feel better. It makes you feel desired by him.
#3. CONNECT WITH HIS HEART USING FEELING MESSAGES
When a man disappears, it creates all sorts of feelings inside us. We feel neglected, confused, uncertain, and angry. And when he comes back, it’s easy to feel resentful...scream at him etc. We want him to know that we felt hurt... We don’t want him to think it’s just okay for him to pull away:-)
But listen! There is power in your words, and the words you choose can deepen the connection you share so that he is more mindful of your feelings when he does need his space. The trick is to talk to him in a way that expresses your feelings without blaming him.
So, instead of saying, “Why haven’t you called?!” try, “I feel so happy to hear from you!” Show him that being with you is a fun, positive experience. When he sees that you didn’t let your emotions overrun you and senses that you didn’t place such a high importance on his actions, he’ll be motivated to stay close and connected with you. He will recognize that he’s with a woman who respects his needs while taking care of her own feelings..not a young girl. And he will appreciate that you didn’t blame or criticize him.When you create a positive experience with him, he’ll also gradually realize that being close and connected with you is a valuable part of his life he won’t want to live without. He will see that being with you does not mean he needs to give up his sense of self or his independence, and the bond you two share will become even stronger.
Gents...for those of you looking for love keep reading and lease don't forget to respond with two of your most recent photos. Ladies, interested in finding real love? Please feel free to contact me.
THOUGHTFUL & ROMANTIC WOMAN SEEKS LOVE... in her own words.
Hello gents – My name is Krista, I am based in Lusaka. I work for a consulting company and I also have my own business. The first thing people notice about me...is my beautiful smile. I’m kind, passionate, creative, spontaneous, fun-loving, energetic and a Christian gal whose favorite words – in any language – are, “Thank you Lord for your faithfulness”. When I’m not working and travelling, I’m catching up with friends. I love going out, meeting new people and generally getting the most out of life – whether that’s trying new new restaurants or picking up a new sport. Wait… I think I have already said enough... why don't you shoot me a message if you are fun-loving, loves to travel, Christian and up for a long term relationship – I am!
The most important thing I am looking for in a person: I’m definitely looking for someone who is in love with life and open to exploring all its possibilities. Family is a really big part of my life and I’d love to meet someone who is family oriented. I’d definitely like to start a family one day, so I’m looking for a guy who is also looking for the same. You must be at least over 38 years to respond and not older than 60. Any race is welcome!
Kay Rose Owner of Kay Rose Academy teaches women how to effortlessly attract the right man and have a secure, close relationship or marriage they want. To learn how you can connect with a man’s heart at every stage of your relationship or marriage send an email to kayrose.academy@gmail.com
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