What is it that makes men so afraid of finally settling down? Why are so many men fearful of the word “commitment” and how do you get them not to be that way?
You see now what it takes for a man to settle down and what he wants to feel, so how do you make that happen in your current relationship?
These are all valid questions, some of which are easy to answer and some that just make no sense whatsoever, so prepare yourself.
Here’s a situation that I personally saw play out with close friends in my own life. Man and woman have been dating for over five years and by all accounts are happy as can be.
They were best friends first and have remained a good solid team, keeping friendship at the core of a loving relationship. They were that “model couple” that so many of us look to and aspire to be in essence they just radiate happiness together.
Things Seem So Happy So How Do They Go So Wrong?
So their life together is good, they have fun, they travel, and they enjoy time together. Do they fight? Sure they do! Do they have a good solid sex life?
Yes, it’s important to both of them! Have they talked about the future? Yes they have, though this seems to be a more pressing issue to her than it is to him.
At this point in time, life is good and they are both happy, so why change anything? (his thoughts, obviously not hers!)
Just a week before they are supposed to leave for a very special trip to Florida, he breaks it off with her. Though they have been arguing a fair amount, it’s nothing out of the ordinary or that can’t be fixed.
This was to be a very special trip together and quite honestly she thought that he would pop the question. So what made him snap? What made him break off what seemed to be by all accounts a wonderful relationship and head out on his own?
In one word, what happened was FEAR! He knew that she was expecting a ring out of the trip and he wasn’t there yet. Though they had been together for a long time and he knew that he probably had a future with her, he simply wasn’t ready yet.
He needed time to get some things out of his system, he needed to be sure that she was the one, and ultimately he needed to be ready to tell this girl that he wanted to be with her FOREVER!
She was heartbroken, she was devastated, and she thought that she would never feel happy ever again. After some time went by he tried to reach out to her as a friend and she resisted at first.
Over time they started talking as friends again and rebuilt what ended up in marriage, but it had to take time. Was it a good thing for them as a couple in the long run?
It was because it gave them both time and space to figure things out and be ready to move forward with their life together. He needed that time to know that she was the one, and thankfully by some great mercy she took him back.
Happy ending indeed!
We All The Happy Ending But It May Be Different Than We Perceive It To Be
Here’s the thing to remember—they don’t always end well and there’s not always a happy ending! He may not be ready today but come back to you a couple of months from now and you may have realized that he wasn’t the one for you.
You may be dating other people in a few months. Or though you may not want to think about it, he may never come back to you. These are very difficult situations to think of as we all want the happy ending that this couple shared.
This couple is often typical in the sense that men feel the need for a bit of space sometimes. Here’s the thing to remember as the woman in this scenario—you shouldn’t compromise on what you want just to keep him around.
If he’s truly the one then he will come back to you and hopefully you will be ready to take him back. If he’s not then there’s somebody else out there. Never settle—either of you!
When you look beneath the surface it is often something very little that makes him feel that crazy fear of the commitment and relationship.
It may be that feelings have dwindled a bit, it may be that the relationship isn’t as passionate anymore, or it may just be that he feels too comfortable.
When I asked the guy in this relationship what exactly made him run specifically, he replied that “it felt too comfortable, like an old slipper!” Sad but true, one little thing can make him feel fearful and want to start over.
He may realize that you’re the one, but it may be too late—so let’s get into the root of these fears to try and size him up!
Some fears make perfect sense while others don’t compute at all. Some fears may cause a permanent breakup, and some may bring you closer together in the end.
Though all men are slightly different in nature, there are very common threads amidst what causes such fear of commitment across the board.
What Makes The Notion of Forever So Very Scary?
It doesn’t matter what point your relationship is at, there are some fears that seem to bond men together overall. I’ve seen these come up a million times and so they are well worth the education.
If you are wondering what makes your man so deathly afraid of commitment, I’m here to tell you what it’s based on and here’s the list for you:
- He doesn’t want to give up on the fun he’s having in his life right now
- Her perceives forever as settling down and giving up on being youthful or carefree and he’s not ready to go there yet
- He’s afraid that you are going to change, mostly into something or someone that he doesn’t feel the same way about
- He has seen a lot of bad examples of committed relationships and doesn’t want to turn into them
- He’s afraid that the relationship will end in divorce or you two hating each other
- He feels too comfortable and is afraid that the future is filled with a lack of passion and is more functional than enjoyable
- He’s young or immature and wants to see what or who else is out there
- He’s just not sure about you or the relationship and so he doesn’t want to take it to the next step
- He is filled with fear about what a commitment has to mean and so he lets that fear drive his decisions
- He doesn’t understand that a healthy relationship can still involve a bit of independence and is afraid you will both lose your identity
- He doesn’t know what next step will entail and so he’d rather live in fear than commit
- He simply isn’t ready yet, may never be, or has grown tired of the nagging and pressure
Sorry ladies, but I am here to tell you the truth and to help you to understand what makes him feel so fearful of commitment, and sometimes that involves truths that may hurt.
Most men are afraid of commitment simply because they don’t want to lose the good things about the relationship now. They have seen bad examples or even lived through them and don’t want the two of you to end up like that.
Some may have experienced bad relationships firsthand as a kid and therefore decide that they never want to commit. These are fears that can be overcome and therefore you may just need to be patient with him.
The men that aren’t ready to commit because they want to see what else is out there are the ones that you need to be more concerned with. They are the type who want to test the waters and serial date before they settle down.
Chances are he’s not right for you but you as the woman aren’t ready to say it or to give up on the relationship, so it’s easier to just wait and see what happens…Trust God, he never forgets His promises. Don’t force a relationship or marriage. Anything forced is not worth having…
Comments/Books/Relationship issues/Match-Making kayrose.academy@gmail.com
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