Men, I hate to be the messenger of bad news, but hey! It’s about time for you to know the truth. Because only the truth can set you free. Like Samson, most of you go after the wrong women. Comfortable on her laps, while she drains your strength (money) and by the time she is done with you, you are broke and depressed. While your love for her is very intense, but to her she is just passing time or using you as an ATM machine to cater for her shopping needs and airtime. Have you ever been there? I hope not. You see there is a huge difference between being in a relationship and being in a loving relationship. Physical attraction can’t be the only glue that keeps you glued to her. Love is a two way street, where both of you get along well and are able to enjoy each other’s company in a variety of situations, there’s more to deepen your bonding. So don’t convince yourself you are in a committed relationship if you are only seeing your woman once a month when she needs money for airtime. You have called her for weeks but you can’t get hold of her, you only hear from her when she want you to get her airtime for her phone not when you want to see her… that’s strange. You miss her, but she is always too busy to spend quality time with you. I think it’s pretty clear that it’s not you she wants, but the airtime. And I guess you are just refusing to see it, your friends and family members have warned or talked to you about it, but you still refuse to accept that the woman you are seeing doesn’t love you. Why is it so hard for you to break it off?
Listen, I think you should seriously break it off. But if you are OKAY being used for airtime, then there is nothing wrong with being in such a relationship.
The problem is that lots of men convince themselves that the woman loves them, when she clearly doesn’t. So dig deep and examine any part of you that might be resisting the truth, which is being used by women. You need to be sure of what you deserve, if its love go for it not something that looks like love, but is not. Or else, there is no point going forward with dates if you are simply being used. Unless you are a two year old who doesn’t know what he is doing. Even if it hurts to be alone, try to be with a woman who can accept you the way you are without using you for cash.
Now my ladies, let chat about the differences between being in love with a Godly (Read: Not just by title, they are plenty of men out their calling themselves men of God and yet behind closed doors they are not) man and someone who is using you.
Love makes us do CRAZY things! If you have been in love before, you would know the feeling of going out of your way to make time for that ONE special person, or put in extra effort to look good for them. But even though it is inconvenient for us, we still really really want to do it because we love that person SO MUCH!!! But then that person NEVER seems to do anything for you?! And you feel frustrated, and dismiss it at first as him being busy. But when we do that, we are blinded by love, and ignore so many red flags or imbalances in a relationship.
But why are you compromising?!? As beloved daughters of God, He wants the BEST for us in everything. “But if I’m with this man, it means that God MEANT for us to be together. It’s all part of His plan!” Of course God knew this relationship was part of the plan, but it’s not the same as that man being THE ONE in that plan. WAKE UP! But… even when we make the wrong choices, God doesn’t leave us alone. The Holy Spirit prompts us in a still small voice (1 Kings 19:12), but WE’RE NOT LISTENING! Some of us can be SO insensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit, or even if we hear it we CHOOSE to ignore that warning voice. Then before we know it, we feel SO cheated, and try to break up. And it hurts like nothing else.
If you are currently in a relationship, pause for a moment and reflect to yourself VERY HONESTLY about your significant other. NO COMPROMISING!
- A man who uses you peruses, but a godly man pursues.
Have you ever picked up a fashion magazine to pass the time while waiting in line to pay for your groceries? Now think about your relationship. Do you feel like that magazine? Do you feel like you’re just picked up and put down again at HIS CONVENIENCE? Maybe he doesn’t answer your messages, or suddenly says he can’t go for that VERY SPECIAL DATE you planned two months ago??? Or worse still, get angry at you when you don’t cater to their EVERY REQUEST, or straight up LIE to you about his plans?!? You need some serious girl talk right here.
Or… he only dates you for selfish reasons. Do you feel like you’re only arm-candy to show off to HIS friends, to fill his emotional or even *gasp* SEXUAL needs??! Really, I don’t know why you’re even dating him!!
But a godly man makes you the second love of his life (the first being God). When you truly love someone, you put in that effort to make someone feel special. And if he TRULY loves you, he WILL show that he does, even if you don’t ask or hint about something you want. Of course, he doesn’t have to show it in the fanciest ways, because different people express their love differently, but you JUST know when he REALLY does it out of true love. If he treats you like you are special to him, KEEP HIM!!! A godly man also dates WANTING to get married – the foreshadowing of the intimacy that God intends to have with us when He comes back again. Such a commitment involving your ENTIRE lives is a HUGE thing!! If he cannot commit to a relationship now when you are dating, what about when you get married and perhaps raise children? His excuses for not prioritizing your relationship are not going to simply DISAPPEAR in the future. In fact it’s going to get worse when you have to support an ENTIRE family.
Listen to me, you are not simply a magazine on the display rack. You are PRECIOUS and cannot be simply THROWN AWAY. You are meant to be PURSUED, to be LOVED and TREASURED. And what better example to show that love than God himself? Israel disobeyed Him and repeatedly turned back to their idols SO MANY TIMES from the book of Exodus to Esther, but God continued pursuing His beloved people by making His presence more and more real to man. Finally, God humbled Himself, and BECAME A LOWLY HUMAN through the birth of Jesus. Can you imagine??? The most powerful and majestic God came to LIVE and BE one of us unworthy human beings. I am MINDBLOWN. God’s love for his people never stops, and as Christians, which means “little Christ”, we are meant to give that same kind of love.
- A man who uses you has little regard for your value as a person, but a godly man honours your identity as a child of God.
- A man who uses you does not reflect Christ’s love.
Remember, God created Eve to be Adams “helper” not a user. In the same way, you want to be with a woman who is supportive and loving. Same goes for the women.
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