Before you and that special someone give yourselves to each other in the presence of God, your friends and family, there are certain things which must be agreed upon, if not, discussed. It’s really not the smartest thing to do, despite loving someone so deeply, to enter into a Godly union without knowing if the two of you have the same beliefs and values about the most important aspects of a marriage. So I’m here today to let you know what you and your partner SHOULD sit down and talk about, before taking the plunge. But before I talk about the six conversations you need to have before you say “ I do” let me say this: Physical attraction can’t be the only glue that keeps a couple together, because, of all the components, the physical aspect most easily wains over time. This is where personality compatibility, as in emotional and mental attraction, comes in. When you both get along well and are able to enjoy each other’s company in a variety of situations, there’s more to deepen your bonding. A marriage can last this way as looks fade, when the emotional and mental connections have cemented the love so much that he’s not going to want to ditch you for a younger version and you’re not going to need to cheat on him. Therefore, you both need to love each other’s non-physical aspects as well. SIMILAR VALUES: This covers a lot of ground but it’s a must so the both of you aren’t bickering over things like how to treat each other, how to raise kids, money and finances, religion etc. If telling him why he shouldn’t eat meat causes arguments between the two of you, you need to find a vegetarian. Or if you’re unhappy that he is always broke, you need to let him go too. His and your values don’t need to be exactly the same. They just need to be generally the same in order to minimize differences and pave a smoother path in the journey together.
With that said….
An attractive guy you are having great conversations with (whose mom thinks the world of you) wouldn’t be right for you if you get upset because he prefers a beer and a home movie every Sunday instead of going to Church. Or if your guy thinks it’s important to be nice by checking up on his ex-girlfriends and you think he needs to be over them and move on. This would be a case of not having VALUES that are similar. Get it? Now, let’s talk about the Six Conversations You MUST Have Before Getting Married:
- Religion
This can be a very touchy subject but it is undoubtedly one of the most important discussions that you’ll need to have with your fiancé. Sit down and talk about what both of you want your relationships with God to be like, both as individuals and as a couple. Agree on what Christian church is right for you and how you plan to make God a part of your jobs, finances, children’s lives, your marriage and your lives in general.
- Children
How awful would it be to marry somebody that you want to have children with, only to find out that they don’t want any? See how this could be disastrous? I have seen marriages dissolve because either one partner was pressured into having children that they didn’t want or one partner leaving because wanting to have children was such a big part of their lives. Please don’t let this happen to you. You also need to come to an agreement as to how the two of you will raise your children in the eyes of God.
- Where you will live
This seems like an easy enough discussion right? It can be, but it is a serious one. Deciding on a place to live can have a powerful effect on your marriage. If one person has to commute hours to get to their jobs, the distance can begin to come between the two of you. Make a decision that benefits both parties. Both of you should be happy with the outcome of your choice.
- Finances
Becoming one doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner’s bank account should do the same also. What should happen though is that conversation about whether all finances will be kept separate, whether you guys will have a joint account and how the financial responsibilities will be split up. Fighting over money is never a good thing, especially between two people who are in love. Whatever your decision, don’t forget to give God his monthly dues.
- Sex
No, I’m not talking about making a calendar stating when and where you’ll have sex during your marriage. I’m talking about sitting down with your partner and discussing your sexual wants and needs in a relationship. This might be a very difficult discussion to have but it is necessary. One of the main reasons that marriages end is because of cheating. You need to let your partner know what makes you happy in the bedroom. Be willing to compromise with each. Remember, sex is a beautiful thing between in married man and woman, so make sure to keep it that way by telling your partner what you need.
- Careers
Careers? Why talk about it if we’re both already in good, stable jobs? Because this can change in an instant. What if your wife gets pregnant? Will she be a stay at home mom? Do you have enough financial security to do that? What if one party doesn’t want to work period? What if you may want to switch careers; start your own business, move to a new company? These things are so important to talk to your potential spouse about because measures need to be put in place for the 'what is' and 'what if' scenarios that may or may not happen when it pertains to jobs.
I sincerely hope that I was able to give you all some insight into the importance of discussing these topics. Marriage is a very serious and sacred union in the eyes of God and you should treat it as such. Don’t rush into a marriage, only to get divorced two months later because you and your husband cannot and will not see eye to eye on a conversation that you should’ve had before you both said I do. Have a blessed day everyone and remember that God loves you.
Looking for love? Send me an email and please don’t forget to include your photo Email: kayrose.academy@gmail.com
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