The one question you will never hear a guy ask when he starts dating a girl is: “Will she ever commit to me?” It just never happens. Questions and uncertainties regarding commitment seem to be reserved for the ladies…”wink” Women of all ages and across the world are united when it comes to determining the following: Does he like me? Is he serious about me? Will he ever marry me? I don’t get it.
So the question is, how can we spare ourselves the time, energy, and heartbreak that goes into determining how a man feels? Well, let’s talk about a few signs that scream that isn’t going to commit to you now or ever.
1. You don’t know anything real about him
You can talk to someone for hours and hours every day and not know anything real about them. You might know details about their life, but you don’t know who they are, their real and true self that exists beneath all the superficial fluff. Listen to me: When a guy is serious about a woman, he shares himself with her. He lets her into his world and shows some level of vulnerability…This is a big thing for a man. Men aren’t used to opening up and showing their emotions and they are much more selective when it comes to letting people in… When a guy opens up to you, when he shares his dreams, his fears, his hopes, his wishes, his motivations, etc., he is investing in you. By investing in you, he is committing himself to you…If a guy doesn’t share his true self with you, if he won’t let you see who he is at his core, the chances are high that he’s not in it to win it and doesn’t see a future. If you’re really unsure as to whether a guy is serious about you or not, take a look at the things you know about him and consider if you know who he really is.
2. He disappears for days or weeks or months at a time, then acts like it was no big deal
If a guy truly cares about you, he will want to make room for you in his life. Even if he has a lot going on and won’t be available for a few days, he will send a text or message to let you know he’s thinking about you. If he takes vacations from the relationship with no warning it means he isn’t worried about losing you, and this is never a good sign. If a guy knows for certain that you will always be there waiting in the wings, no matter how badly he behaves, he won’t respect you and he definitely won’t want to commit to you–why should he when he knows he doesn’t have to? There would be absolutely no benefit for him. His disappearing acts serve more as a way to let you know this relationship isn’t serious and he is still free to do what he wants. It’s his way of letting you know that you aren’t a deciding factor in where he goes and what he does…get it?
3. He tells you he doesn’t want a relationship
This seems like an obvious one, but unfortunately, it’s not! In fact, I think the most common relationship in this day and age is the non-relationship, that is, when you’re dating a guy and you’re basically boyfriend/girlfriend aside from the fact that you’re not.
The ugly truth is this: when a guy says he isn’t ready for a relationship, what he’s really saying is he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
Please don’t sell yourself short and end up in a situation where the guy calls all the shots and is just taking you along for the ride as you sit patiently in the back seat, waiting for him to decide you are “good enough.”
If he tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, or he has “commitment issues” or hates labels, just take it at face value and do yourself a favor and move…Forward not backwards.
4. He doesn’t take you on real dates
If your dates consist of you going over to his place to cook for him, clean the house for him, wash dishes etc…while he is watch football with his friends. It's possible that he might not be interested in you. I am not saying don’t cook for him, you but not right away…let him first take you out on real dates. When a guy is invested in you and cares about you, he wants to go out of his way to impress you and show you he cares. I know most women don’t feel this way, but trust me, when a guy likes you, it’s obvious. If he puts in the bare minimum when it comes to dates it means he doesn’t feel like you are worth the effort. Are there exceptions? Sometimes. But even if a guy is jobless and broke and doesn’t have the money to take you out, he’ll find some sort of cheap and creative way to show you he cares. When a guy cares about a girl and sees a future with her, he wants to bring her into his world as much as possible. He wants to introduce her to the things he likes: movies, music, hobbies. These aren’t things that require much of a financial investment but they speak volumes about his level of emotional investment. If you’re the only one making the effort to keep the spark alive and do special things, it’s a sign that he isn’t very invested in you.
5. He won’t introduce you to his family
A lot of women make the mistake of thinking that meeting a guy’s friends is a big deal. Maybe some guys view this as a big deal, but most don’t. Maybe he just wants to show you off because you are hot, or maybe he just doesn’t think much of introducing girls to his friends. Meeting his friends is nothing… Meeting is family is where it’s at.
6. You don’t know where he lives
You've been dating for a while, but you have never seen his place. There are only two possible reasons for this. Either he is embarrassed by his living conditions, or he lives with another woman (girlfriend or wife) and possibly children.
7. He has a hard time admitting that he loves you.
This is not a sign that he’s a poor communicator. And if it is, it’s another reason why you should reconsider a commitment with him. But more often than not, it’s because he’s afraid that if he says the L-word, you will expect a commitment.
8. He hides information from you.
If he doesn’t want you to know about his business/co-workers and doesn’t introduce you to them at some point…yeah. Big red flag hun. If he doesn’t want you to know “his pastor,” there’s another. Commitment is all about intimacy, and intimacy is all about the willingness to know and be known.
9. He never takes you to work functions
If, when you attend a social function, he leaves you behind and/or even forgets that you are there, he’s not really there when it comes to commitment.
So, do you really need to see signs that we have just talked about that he’s not ready? The problem is we go into denial when we fall in love. We want them to be who we want them to be. And so we put that fantasy partner into the empty place where he would be standing if he were only willing to commit. And we tell ourselves that the fantasy we see in his place is the real deal.
Looking for Love? Want to improve your marriage or relationship? New to Dating?
Kay Rose Owner of Kay Rose Academy and Founder of GDA/BSOG teaches women/men how to effortlessly attract the right partner and have a secure, close relationship or marriage they want. To learn more about the KRA programs or learn how you can connect with your partners heart at every stage of your relationship or marriage send an email to kayrose.academy@gmail.com
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