Today, I am very excited about writing this article, but at the same time, really, really sad... because what I really want to write is, a very long poem about a man who risked his own life to save my life... my late uncle, Gershom Sichilima... "tears" gone too soon. I can easily be caught up in blaming God about my uncle's death. But John 10:10 is a great reminder that God has nothing to do with our loss... The thief (the enemy) comes to steal, kill and destroy, but He came that we may have life and have it in FULL and Psalm 90:10 just wraps it up. If you have ever blamed God for losing a loved one, think again! God is not in the business of taking people out, but the enemy has blinded so many people and many people have fallen for this lie of believing that God is the one who kills people, including Christians. I know death can leave such a deep hole in one's life... but may God set you free! Because God doesn't take our loved ones from us, He receives them. See the difference?
Quick question... Is finding true love really that hard or is there something else going on? Are you comparing your love life to unrealistic expectations from Hollywood love stories? I hope not:-)
Funny, how we believe these movies we see on TV that have us longing for a Cinderella or Prince Charming who will sweep us off our feet and make us happier than we have ever been... But honestly, can we really expect our partners to make us HAPPY? Is that even fair to them or you? Think about it!
When I finally knew that this wasn’t the right approach to a relationship, I had already been in two BAD failed relationship. “Failed” may not be the right word, because I don’t regret it... kinda happy it ended you know. And after the second relationship, I was single for a long time, and that’s when I started working on MYSELF. I realized that there was nothing missing in my life but God. Remember God is love, how can you love if you are disconnected from love? When I discovered that I knew that I didn't need to find someone else to fill that void... but I need GOD to patch my heart and fill me with himself so that my heart can overflow with His love... so that I can share my love, happiness with that special man. A very lucky man indeed!
Looking for someone to make you Happy Vs. Sharing Your Happiness
If you expect your partner to make you happy... you are simply demanding love... and that's not the way to go... If you were happy when you were single, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship. And when you’re happy, you can focus on “sharing your happiness” instead of “demanding happiness.” Never get into a relationship expecting your partner to make you happy.
Do you see how this can make a big difference in your relationship? When you go from “needing” love, affection, and someone t to fill a hole in yourself, to “sharing” love and happiness from a place of fullness, your relationship (and life!) will turn into something truly amazing and lasting.
The Love Illusion
Not expecting your partner to make you happy doesn’t mean you can’t rely on them for support. It just means you don’t depend on them to FILL that void in you.
Even if it seems like they do that for a while, the absence of discomfort will be an illusion. It’s like taking Panadol. You may not feel the headache anymore, but what caused the headache is still there:-)
If you don’t like to spend time with yourself, you most likely don’t really love yourself. And if you don’t love yourself first, you cannot sincerely love someone else... or let yourself be loved by someone else. The bible says LOVE YOUR neighbor as you love who? I hope you know the answer to that.
What “True Love” Really LOOKS LIKE
When two people get together and start working on themselves... when they aim to grow together instead of avoiding growth by depending too much on each other... they build a connection to a higher level. Couples who understand that this is the greatest gift they can give each other will be the happiest couples... they will experience true love!
Here is How You can have a Lasting Relationship
1. Love yourself First
Many people don’t realize that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings about themselves. Learning to love yourself will not only benefit yourself, but also your partner.
A couple of ways to start loving yourself in action today, not tomorrow:
The mirror exercise: Stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and say, “I love you. I really, really love you!” Don’t just say the words... try to feel them. It may take some practice, but if you do this two or three times a day for a couple of minutes, you will feel the results! I promise.
Practice self-acceptance... read that again! You are a magnificent human being. You may have some flaws, but that’s okay. Everybody has flaws and we all make mistakes. You can learn from them, accept them, and even be grateful for them, because they have helped form the person you are today.
2. Choose to be Happy and not sad
True happiness comes from WITHIN. Nothing or no one can “make” you happy. When you are a happy person because you choose to be, this will rub off on your partner, or attract more potential partners if you are single. Being happy feels good on the inside and looks good on the outside! You can attract someone with your outward looks, but if the inside leaks you can't hide forever. I have dated handsome guys who eventually became ugly in my eyes because of their inside.
3. A few ways to choose happiness Every Day
Be THANKFUL... When the sun shines on your face, when God wakes you up, you are in good health. You are richer than a rich man... say, Thank you!
Don’t let others determine how you feel. Try not to worry about what others say, think, or do... even if they talk badly about you. No need to respond to them, protect your joy and peace and don't let anything affect your level of happiness. The moment you get emotionally involved you have lost your inner peace.
Accept your circumstances. We don't control everything that happens in life. Sometimes, bad things happen. We cannot escape from this... we can only accept it. Choose to accept the circumstances you can’t change instead of causing yourself to suffer.
Pray. Start your day with prayer... even fifteen minutes will do. Praying will give you focus, contentment, and inner peace. It takes some practice, but if you put in the effort, the results will shock you.Make PRAYER your best friend... Talk to God daily.
3. Fall in love when you are ready, not when you are LONELY.
Don’t compromise or get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely... singleness is a gift. When you love yourself, you don’t mind being alone sometimes because you are spending time with your best friend. Sometimes, being in a bad relationship can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.
4. Do not lose yourself in a relationship.
Make time for yourself, pursue your own goals, and do things without your partner. Maintain a healthy balance between your personal time and your time together.
Looking for love? Want to improve your relationship? New to the dating world? Want to join the Kay Rose Exclusive Club? Want to keep the fire burning in your relationship with the KRA texting program? Want to improve your marriage? Want to talk to a local KRA certified coach? Want to learn more about GDA/BSOG? Well, just send an email to kayrose.academy@gmail.com
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